- Work
People who know me well often hear me say, “Work is the closest thing to God.”
If you work, you can afford to live. If you can afford to live, you can afford to help others live. Work means food on the table, food can be shared. Work means having a roof over your head which means a couch or spare room for someone in need. I take a shower at least once a day and I realize how often I take for granted that simple pleasure. If you work, you can lend someone your shower so they can get clean, a wonderful thing to be.
My girlfriend tells a story of a homeless man she became friendly with who lost his home, his job and his money in a bad divorce. In a blind fury, all he took from the house was his expensive suits and was living in his car for a while, dazed and confused. Then the car was repossessed and he sold his suits to get enough money for a very brief stay in a hotel. All he did was sleep and shower repeatedly for 24 hours.
We forget how much those simple acts mean to our well-being.
If you’re lucky enough to work at something you truly love, you’re fortunate but even if you get up in the morning and drag yourself there, remember that your job gives you the opportunity to be self-sufficient and capable of doing something for someone else when called on.
- Be Humble
I’ve always loved the expression, “There but for the grace of God, go I”.
Don’t help people just to feel good about yourself. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be happy or even a little proud when you do something nice for others. It should make you very happy but be careful not to boast about it or gloat. Study humbleness in great leaders. The greatest leaders are usually the most humble people you’ll ever meet. You’re not better than someone less fortunate than you. You have lots of gifts and talents, all people do, and it’s good to know your strengths and weaknesses but accept things about yourself with grace and humility. Remember that you could be one tragedy away from being just like the person you’re helping. We’re all fragile, a little lost, a little broken.
- Be Grateful
You have everything you need even if you don’t know it. Many of us have quite a bit more than we need but we’re still looking for the things we don’t have.
If you have the love of one good friend, you have love.
If you have food, shelter and clothing, you’re rich beyond the dreams of more than half the world.
There’s so much rhetoric about gratitude coming out of self-help, it can become overkill, but the fact of the matter is, the opposite of being grateful is being bitter. When all you taste is bitter, it’s hard to talk of sweetness.
Take a minute, every day, to look at any one room in your house. Pull out one draw in your kitchen, bedroom or even your desk at work. Go into your closet and look at the clothes hanging there. How many of us have tons and tons of things we never use, wear or even look at most of the time? Imagine having to choose what you would take with you if you had one hour and only one backpack to fill to carry with you everywhere you went. No car, no home, no help.
When you’re upset, is there one person you can call who will talk to you and help you work through what’s bothering you? Are you that one person for someone else? How often do you go hungry? I don’t mean hangry, when you wish you had a snack or you have to wait a bit to eat because of work or school or some obligation that takes up your time. If you wake up in a place with a roof, walls and a real floor, with running water and electricity, do you have any idea how rich you are? It’s beyond the dreams of millions of people to have such things. Every time you complain about a common problem, the hot water heater is slow to get your shower to temperature, your hamburger is over cooked at the diner, you broke a heel on your shoe or God forbid a nail, remember these are very much #firstworldproblems.
- Practice Kindness
This will require studying what that means. Kindness means different things to different people. If a person asks you not to do something for them and you do it anyway to show you care about them, you may hurt their pride. That’s not being kind, that’s being aggressive. Kindness requires getting familiar with the wants and needs of others. It’s hard. It can go against your own nature. Kindness doesn’t mean enabling. It’s not kind to buy an alcoholic a drink but it’s also not kind to pay all their bills while they drink instead of obtaining help. Kindness requires knowledge, steadfastness, fortitude and sometimes even stealth. First, be kind to yourself. (See # 10)
- Learn Forgiveness
First, and foremost, you have to learn the most difficult task of all; to forgive yourself so you can forgive others. One of the greatest stepping stones to forgiving yourself is to ask for help. Yes, the two are kissing cousins and their parents are ego and pride. We all know the old jokes about men never being able to ask for directions. That’s ego and pride at work. Asking for help is a sign of weakness to most people. In reality, it’s a sign of strength. It shows that you accept you’re not perfect and can’t do everything. It says that you want to be part of something;
a community,
a friendship,
a family,
a relationship.
We beat ourselves up about the slightest mistakes, women are famous for this. We go over our mistakes in our head, letting them gnaw at us till we are nearly sick with it. Look at a situation where you could have done something differently,
a fight with you mother or partner,
a job interview that went badly,
a difficult conversation with a friend.
Instead of going over and over in your head, all the things you could have done, the words you should have said but were too rushed or upset to think of, the actions you could’ve chosen, consider the things that went right. Consider the actual outcome. Was it really that bad? Can you fix it with forgiveness, kindness, gratefulness, humbleness?
Lilism # 1: Save Yourself and the World Will Follow. This applies just as well to “Forgive Yourself and the World Will Follow”.
So, get going! People need you. Be prepared.